The most painful journey

... in my life so far...

Looking at the screen in front of my seat, seeing the image of the plane flying further and further away from home tortures me. Each time i think about home, i forced myself to sleep, or else the tears will just flow out non-stop. But still, i can't help it. I kept bursting into tears wherever i was, from airport, plane to trains. A lot of passengers and cabin crews must have noticed, due to my swollen eyes, extremely red nose, excessive mucus flowing out and red cheeks. But i don't care. Is it wrong to cry?

You've guessed it right, i'm feeling homesick again. This time, it's worse than before. At least previously, it was my first time travelling abroad. I was excited then. Also, i had Eean, a friend to accompany me throughout the journey.

This time, i'm all by myself. Not that i have a problem with that. It's just that i know going back this time only means that i won't be seeing him and my family for probably a year, or more. I don't know how am i going to go through this.

I just feel damn depressed. I don't wanna go back! But i don't have a choice. It's just so damn tiring and difficult to start all over again.

Also, I regret for not requesting to work after CNY. Bee, if you've asked me earlier, i would have definitely made that request. Apparently, Mrs Ruckstuhl (the owner of my hotel internship) would have allowed me if i wanna start work after my celebrations. But, nasi sudah jadi bubur.

13 hours in the plane, i didn't watch any movie except Beauty & the Beast. Why? Because watching it reminds me of us watching it together at my place. I was sleeping on your thigh and you were brushing my hair. Well, I just didn't feel like watching any other. I remember how excited was i coming back to Malaysia, up to the extent of not wanting to sleep and ended up watching 5 movies in a row.

You're right. Going abroad make us appreciate each other more. But i don't think i need to go through this once more to know that. I mean, i know that already. I've experienced it. I wish i can turn the plane around, fucking quit the internship and be where i belong, which is home and your arms.

I miss everyone at home too. I miss mummy's voice, daddy's cute actions and sis's lame comments.

I think after degree, i might just want to continue my internship in Singapore. I'm just so sick of being away from home already.

I wish what i'm feeling right now is just physical pain, but it's not. It's fucking not.

I miss you...

so much, it's tearing my heart out